By the end of my first semester in college, I went through 3 roommates. The first had sophomore standing- before I had even met her, she had changed roommates; which leads me to my second roommate. She texted me the weekend before we were to head out to MSU- and that was really confusing. She ended moving out into a dorm hall where her friends from high school were staying….She left me and I had to find a new single roommate too. I ended up with a girl whom I tried to be friends with but that didn’t work out. Plus her boyfriend was always over, and I pretty much spent my semester in my boyfriend’s dorm every other weekend from Thursday afternoon to Sunday evening. I was very cranky by the end of the semester and if I hadn’t moved out in the Fall, shit would have gone down. Simply put.
I at least did learn some things that semester about relationships, new environments and situations, and myself.
Use that Spine: Seriously- not sure if I am the only one who had to go through this- but when you’re meeting a stranger, there will be a lot of situations where you’re gonna have to stand your ground. You’re paying good money to live in that dorm room, you should at least stay there and be comfortable too. Don’t let you’re obnoxious roommate move her furniture in the room in such a way that you cannot reach the sink in the room to brush your teeth. Or, don’t let your roommate boss you around either about when you should clean your side of the room and kick you out when the bf is over.
On the other side: Don’t push your roommate around either. These feelings will either bottle up or they will shut down. You two don’t have to be best friends by the end of the year, but there should be some amount of civility. You don’t want to be the roommate bossing the girl around all the time, you’re not a babysitter.
If there is ‘no hope’ of becoming friends, I wouldn’t really worry about anything. My third roommate and I would kinda hang out within our dorm, but soon we weren’t really hanging out with any other girls. My excuse was that I was always in my bf’s all-boys dorm...I made more guy friends there lol- I get along with guys a bit more.
Don’t turn them into your ONLY social group. Like I just said, my roommate pretty much isolated herself with me and her bf. I texted her that I was moving out at semester when Kyler and I had made our decision, and she FREAKED out. Had a pity party and was sad that I hadn’t told her in person. Maybe if she was a closer true friend, I would have done this, but I didn’t really see the reason. I had appeased her with an apology. Regretfully, I didn’t hang out with the girls in my dorm hall any more either because I wasn’t living there.
Have a courtesy hour. There are quiet hours in the on-campus living areas, 7am-9pm. That’s for everyone else in the dorm hall, but that doesn’t always happen in your dorm room. My roommate was hypocritical about certain- a lot- of things in the dorm and I really wish I had spoken up more instead of ignoring her and just leaving. With the courtesy hour thing, I wish I had asked her when it was 10-11 o’clock at night, to just stop talking to her bf on Skype because she couldn’t get the question right. And then turn around and tell me to stop doing my homework or do it elsewhere when it was 10pm and the only thing bugging her was my lamp. It was ridiculous.
Sharing Your Appliances. I am not so sure about this one. For me, I was really glad I hadn’t shared my fridge and microwave. When I had shared my tea kettle or frozen yogurt machine, it’d either be something she had priority over, or if we were both enjoying fro-yo and I hadn’t cleaned it out right away she’d scold me the next morning because we had gnats in the room for one freakin’ day. Come to think about it, I rolled my eyes and appeased her with an apology a lot that semester….Guess that was one of my passive aggressive coping mechanism.
With my second roommate, she moved out after one or two weeks- because of the way I asked her to move her furniture so I could breath and not feel like I had to study under my loft and feel like Harry Potter under the stairs. Because when she moved out, I still had my microwave, mini-fridge and the other friends that made me happy. Lol.
Writing this all down makes me feel like a total wuss. :(
On the other side, when I had it the other way around, I didn’t feel good to have to boss her around or confront her on very little things that just needed to be taken care of.
Don’t be Shy, but also Don’t be too abrasive. There is no need to either hide between the bed and your closet, to change with the light off. And there is also no need to completely show too much of yourself after a shower- especially! IF YOU’RE STRANGERS OR NOT CLOSE AT ALL YET. Make the habit of changing a happy mean of the two.
Be courteous to your roommate, expect the same from her, and don’t be afraid of confrontation.
It’s not what you say but how you say it…
My Daddy’s been telling me this for years. …
Now, I tell my friends to ‘solidify your spine’: Don’t take crap from anyone. I’ve learned to handle situations a little bit better, and when you’ve reached your limit, let them know. Or do what I do: ignore them and when it is time to walk away from something, I do. It’s not that I am quitting, I am always looking through any/all ways to solve a problem before I explode or walk away from the situation. Message in that: Never forfeit your self-respect or dignity just to make something work. Don’t be afraid of friction, it’s how we grow.
If you come up with anything else, or have any questions, feel free to comment or message me! I would really like to hear from any readers…. please…
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